SNAIL!!

Two blogitos in one whole day is, i know, suspiciously out of character, but tonight, while my mom and i were walking around the block, we saw a whole herd of 4 snails!! And they were great! And amazing! And they have little horns on their chins too! I've been coming to Oregon since I was a fetus and I've never seen a snail--we must have them in WI too, but never never never. And now I love them. Someday, I'll have a digital camera and you will be able to see what I see, but until then we'll have to pretend with google.

Frick, Frack, and Ralph Do Eugene

Birthday Blog Entry! So, I've been a little shamefully absent, but I hope someone I know and love will give my little neglected blog just one more chance because my grandma almost killed me last night! I'm in Oregon and rockin' it out with the geriatric set, which has been seriously fabulous, but my grandma gets real punchy and wacky and like she's possessed right before she goes to bed. So, there is only one extra bed at her house and my mom is sleeping in it, so I'm sharing with Grandma. No problem. Except if I go to bed before she starts snoring, she tries to talk to me and it just gets progressively crazier. Here is the transcript from last night:

--kate, have you dated anyone much since emilio?
--not too much grandma, you know, not really...
--well, why not?
--i don't know grandma, i'm just taking it easy, it's not good timing, you know.
--oh. well, do the boys ever try to get in your pants on the first date?
--What! Grandma! What, no, ummmmm, I guess I date nice guys.
--well, even nice boys try to get in your pants.
--(i'm trying not to die from shock and laughing) oh, right, did you date a lot of guys before you and grandpa got married? (change subject change subject please God change subject)
--oh my yes. that's how I know about how they can be. (pause pause pause, kate is hoping maybe grandma has fallen totally asleep) Sometimes you wonder why they don't try to get in your pants on the first date. Hey normal boy! What's wrong with you!


I really almost asphixiated I was laughing so much and about 45 seconds later she was sound asleep and snoring. The verdict is in, the 60-96 set is so much crazy fun it's criminal. I'm sitting here right now wearing some 'flip-flop socks' that she bought me because they were so cute and didn't I want a pair and had I ever seen them before and I couldn't say no without crushing her spirit it seemed, so I said 'great!' and they are really weird and great and then we were walking an hour later and I was wearing them and she goes "oh, you're wearing those stu--those things" and I was like "grandma! you just bought these for me! you think they're stupid??" "well, they're just so silly. you know what they are." It's almost too much mirth to handle.

Anyway, in other news here's an insider trading tip: Best investment of the year=Pat Benatar's Greatest Hits. AND, YES Jac!! Everyone come to the reunion! Emily and I will manhandle you into it if we can (right Em, you didn't get too scared off by all the talk of diamonds and fetusi, right?).

Treasures at Treasures of the Heart

This video set is actually more expensive at Treasures from the Heart than it is on Amazon.com. You can get both at Amazon for a whopping $.99. She basically does insanely forced breathing and bending and sqwaking and says you can go from a size 14 to a size 4 in 3 months. She's also, incidentally, being sued by the Federal Trade Commission. Emily, please tell me you guys get to do Body Flex at least once in Aerobics! You can borrow it from me for show and tell anytime, but someday we've all got to experience Greer Childers. Can you even see how far up her leotard goes?? And they say we don't have enough everyday heros....

URA 10, TRUE LOVE, GET REAL, DEAR ONE

Happy Valentine's Day! I have the distinct feeling that if I weren't single for the first time in 4 years, I wouldn't be updating my blog at 11:30 on V-Day, but hey! Who said single wasn't swinging! We bailed on Brokeback tonight and instead opted for this insane-o documentary about Jackie O's cousin and aunt who are these destitute old money crazy ladies who feed raccoons wonder bread in their attic called Grey's Garden. "I've just got to get out of here....Of course, I'm mad about animals, but raccoons and cats just get boring after awhile."--Little Edith. She also has a revolutionary costume that she wears that somehow tricks the gardener and she has a major crush on the camera guy--who apparently also did a Rolling Stones documentary--and she's 56. They boil corn in their bedroom. Is this sounding must-see yet or what.?!? I wouldn't blog about this if it weren't serious....
Also, it's V-Day, so party it up, but be careful with the candy sweetheart consumption. A couple of weeks ago I found a doody bird drawing that Emily made for me sophomore or junior year of high school and it had a purple sweetheart taped to it's nose that was still completely intact and legible. "My Girl" stands the test of time.

Sure, Come Underwater, Become Addicted

I return to the blogosphere a redeemed woman! After hating scuba diving for awhile, I've switched gears and decided I actually love it. The fatal mistake was Wisconsin water--it's just not my style. But Honduras built it and I came and I conquered. Thanks to this wirey, tiny, chain-smoking, fish-obsessed, neurotic, hilarious, British guy who was just insane enough to help me find my scuba chi and the underwater lotus position.

The Truth about SCUBA

Learning to 'SCUBA dive' in Wisconsin is an elaborate lie. Don't believe them. Please, please, don't believe them.

Ok, so I don't know how to post one comprehensive post, so I've made three tiny ones. The learning curve isn't so good when you don't practice for a few weeks.

This is how SCUBA diving should be.

Harder than it Looks

Ok, probably no one will read this since my blog has lapsed into the ghost realm of the forgotten, but that's ok. We've got each other. I'm skipping class because it's too cold to walk to the bus stop and I refuse to change my skirt for pants. All faith in school as a gainful means of spending time has been squandered anyway by my arrogent, asshole 'lecturer' who just gave us an exam with the following questions: what is the population of Wisconsin? how many days have you been absent? were the photos in the book in the front, middle, or back? who is the senate majority leader? it was like being on jeopardy.
Then he gave back our little two page papers and his comments on mine were: WHAT POLICY?!?! WEAK RESEARCH! !! isn't this the job of the MILITARY??? LIGHTWEIGHT!! So, that was constructive and helpful.
Luckily my class is organizing a small militia, so that's been a constructive outlet.

The Sseuse Will Rise Again

Today, I was massaged by a man. The majority of it, from what I could tell, was made up of vulcan death grip variations and lighting a pasta noodle cutter on fire and running it down my spine. I'm very loose now, but I'm not sure if that's from my muscles being relaxed, or my bones being ground to a fine powder. The great news though, is that I just thought of my blog the whole time (except when he moved to my 'hips' and was absolutely massaging my butt and I got distracted there for a minute) and it must have opened up some kind of blog-determined channel that cleared my mind--I figured out how to get into my very own blog AND I even figured out how to put an (illegal) image into my very own blog! I really have to thank my friends for inspiring me and for their sublte shaming to post again (thank you Emily!) for this breakthrough.
In other news, I'm taking the lake part of a scuba class this weekend so please everyone in the blogosphere pray that the weather reports for 40 degrees and rain are a little meteorlogical joke. Have any of you done it? Any advice? Everyone says just don't panic when you're freezing and you can't see and the leeches start emerging. It doesn't seem like very good advice to me.

help!

i just wanted to tell jac she was damn funny. i'm a child of the 80's. how did i miss the computer revolution?